Jailbait
by ambiboo424
Summary: “You’re seventeen!” I was beginning to hyperventilate. “Oh God. I have officially become Ms. Robinson. I am so going to jail.” All Human. OOC.
1. Just My Luck

**A/N**: Ok so I know that I haven't finished my other story yet and there were others I promised to work on next but this chapter was practically writing itself in my head. It was around midnight and I knew I wasn't getting any sleep until I got it out. It's just an experiment and I know it's short but I had to get it out. If you like it the chaps will be longer. So here it is. Anyone who is worried about my other story it will be updated by the end of the week.

**Disclaimer**: This all belongs to the lovely Stephenie Meyer. Except for the idea. That's me.

Summary: "You're seventeen?!" I was beginning to hyperventilate. "Oh God. I have officially become Ms. Robinson. I am so going to jail."

* * *

Chapter 1: Just my luck

Ugh.

Someone up there must really not like me.

Why must this day come yet again? It felt like it was just here and now it's back again. It's like I just can't escape it. But then again I guess I shouldn't be surprised being that it always comes at the same time every year.

But that doesn't make me dread it any less.

I had prayed and prayed all year that this moment would not come, but those wishes have fallen on deaf ears.

Why?

Maybe I can just stay here in my bed and pretend like none of this has ever happened. You may call it denial, but I call it blissful ignorance. Has a lovely ring to it doesn't it?

There was a banging on my door. I guess I spoke too soon.

"Oh Bella, Bella sweet Bella. Wouldn't you love to come and open this door for your two best friends in the whole wide world?" _Alice. _She was trying to sweet talk me but it wasn't going to work. Not today.

They both had keys to my apartment – as I did theirs – but I was mindful to keep my bedroom door locked at least. With those two, you just never knew when it was going to be time for a surprise trip to the downtown shopping district to get a few things. Yeah right, and come back with a whole new fall wardrobe. I was lucky if they kept it down to one season.

I pulled my pillow tighter over my head in the hopes of drowning them out.

"Bella, if you don't get your lazy ass up and out of that bed I'll have Emmett come over here and break down this door! And you know he will." _Rose._

Oh yes. I knew all too well. She had that man wrapped around her candy red painted finger and I knew that he would be down here in an instant if there was even the slimmest chance of a reward from Rosalie. I was screwed.

"BELLA!" _Both of them this time. _

"Okay, okay. Jeeze, I'm up. Calm down will you." I slurred in my still half conscious state.

I reluctantly opened the door and they immediately swarmed in, tackling me to my bed.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"

_Damn them!_

"Yay! Bella can you believe it? You're-…"

"Alice," I spoke with as much malice as I could muster. "Don't you dare finish that sentence."

"YOU'RE THIRTY!"

I groaned and fell back on my bed hoping to scramble back under the covers and sleep this whole day away. I wanted to pretend like I didn't just hear those two words coming out of her mouth. It made them all too real.

That wish was a lost cause too.

"Come on Bella. Get your butt up so we can go out and celebrate this joyous occasion."

"Joyous occasion?" I stared at her with incredulity. "JOYOUS OCCASION? Alice, I-I'm…"

"Thirty." Rose snickered.

I groaned again.

"Uh oh Al. Looks like someone is having a mid-life crisis."

"I AM NOT HAVING A MID-LIFE CRISIS!"

_Really. I wasn't._

"You are such a drama queen." I glared at Rose and she stopped her chuckling.

Alice spoke up again.

"Bella, would you stop being so damn melodramatic. You are not old. Hell, I don't know how anyone could look at you and think that you were a day over twenty-five."

"Oh yes, so that when I keep getting hit on by younger men, they can all run away screaming when they find out I am really an old hag in disguise. How very comforting Alice."

"Are you kidding me?" said Rose next. "Guys totally go for hot olde-…"

"ROSE!" screamed Alice.

"I mean hot _more experienced_ women. You'll be like a cougar."

"A cougar? Who do you think I am? Cher? I do not want to go around robbing the cradle!"

"Well then why not just try to find a guy your own age?" Alice chimed in.

"Because all the good ones are already taken. Either they're looking for their next mistress or trying to find a good rebound girl now that they're divorces are finalized."

"I am sure that there are some great, established thirty year old men out there just waiting to find the right woman. You'll see."

"Yeah, real easy for you guys to say. You two already have amazing men!"

"And so will you. But you sure as hell won't find him moping around here all day."

"Rose is right Bella. Which is exactly why we are going out tonight. We are going to celebrate like there is no tomorrow and find you the man of your dreams all in one night. And you will find him. I can just feel it."

Then why do I have the feeling that something is going to go seriously wrong?

That would be just my luck.


	2. Thirty is the New Twenty

**A/N: **Sorry for the wait. This is my longest chapter ever so I hope you enjoy.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own _Twilight._

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_Thirty is the New Twenty_

Alice, Rose, and I all pulled up to club _Quatorze_ at about nine thirty. We had spent the entire day shopping and getting ready.

Well that is what the two of them did. I spent the day lugging behind them wondering how I got into this mess.

They finally picked out for me a little blue number that was flirty and sexy all at the same time. The wrap dress was form fitting along my waist and chest and then the soft material fanned out so that when I twirled it would float up around me Marilyn Monroe style. The small pieces of fabric that wrapped around went across my back leaving it exposed except for the 'x' shape it left and then tied in the front around my hip bone. The dark blue dress made me feel young but it was mature enough to not seem like I was in denial about my true age.

My hair was half up with my bangs left in front to hang in front of one of my eyes which were given a smoky look. All in all, I actually thought I looked nice. The only part I could have gone without was the strappy high heels. I may not like the fact that I'm thirty, but I also don't want to die at thirty either.

I hadn't really been up for this whole 'thirty is the new twenty' night the girls had planned, but I have to admit that now we were actually here and I was in this dress, I was getting really pumped up about it. Maybe I did need to let loose and stop worrying about things that I can't change.

After all, I sure the hell am not getting any younger.

I need to stop wasting time and have some fun.

In other words, I need some alcohol.

--

After a few shots of whatever Rose had ordered for me, I had completely forgotten about the things that had been worrying me earlier on in the day.

All I could feel was the music. The gritty bass beats were forcing me to pay attention to only them and nothing else as I swayed to the music. The girls and I were all in a line with me in the middle. Rose and I were back to back as Alice was in front of me shimmying her little body around.

See. All I needed were my two best friends, some liquor, and a fun night out on the town to forget about my problems.

I was no longer thinking about how not only was I not married yet, but I was also the only one of my friends still single.

My mind wasn't on how my mother Renee had called me this morning and the only thing she said to me was, "So your thirty now, huh?" and then proceeded to sigh for about five minutes straight before I hung up on her, feigning a lost connection.

Nor was I hung up on the fact that my biological clock was busy tick ticking away. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick-

_Dammit!_

I abruptly stopped dancing.

"Ugh! I need another drink!" I yelled above the music trying to get their attention.

They didn't hear me.

They were too busy giving sexy 'you can look but you can't touch' looks to the boys hovering around them. True, they were both in committed relationships and would never cheat, but that didn't mean they didn't like to have a little fun and taunt the ones who couldn't have them every once in a while.

I gave up on informing them of where I was going and stomped off in the direction of the bar. They would figure out I was gone sooner or later. I hope.

Once I reached the bar I plopped down onto one of the stools and immediately ordered a shot of tequila.

My mind was starting to clear out and I needed something strong to fuzzy it back up again.

I thought about ordering a grey goose but while I wanted to spend the night being young like everyone insisted I was, I also wanted to avoid ending up with my head in the toilet with someone holding up my hair. I didn't want to revert back _that_ many years and that is the exact effect vodka would have.

While I was in the middle of throwing back my shot, I noticed a man come and sit down on the stool to my left with a girl hot on his heels.

He was really handsome with bronze colored hair that stood out with the way the lights in the club were shining on it. His dark band t-shirt clung to him nicely and accentuated his form, as well as the jeans that hung low on his hips.

At a closer look at his face, I noticed that his brow was furrowed and there was annoyance clearly showing in his green eyes.

"Look Leslie-,"

"My name is Lauren."

"Does it really matter? The point is that I do not want to go home with you. Or to your car, or the women's bathroom, or anywhere else for that matter."

"Oh come on. I know you're just playing hard to get."

_Man, this woman was desperate. I mean I want a man too but geez, have some dignity please. _

"No Lana, I am not playing anything. I honestly do not want you in that way."

"I said my name is L-,"

"Yeah yeah I know, your name is Leslie. Besides, do you really want someone who can't even get your name right?"

"I don't care who's name your screaming honey, as long as I'm screaming right along with you."

_Eww! Bad mental picture. _

I could tell he was thinking the same thing I was by the look of disgust on his face.

"Give me one good reason why you don't want to be with me?"

_Didn't he just give you like ten? _

He let out a big exasperated sigh. It was obvious his 'evade Lauren/Leslie/Lana plan' was clearly not working.

"Because, I actually came here with someone else."

_Oh he was really just grasping at straws now. Who knew the bar could be so entertaining? I should eavesdrop over here more often. _

"Oh really? And who would that be?"

He looked around still trying to keep his cool but I could tell he was really worried about having to spend more time with this crazy woman.

Then our eyes connected.

"Her," he said while still looking straight at me.

_Huh?_

He got up and moved closer to me, our eyes still locked. I couldn't look away.

_Oh shit! This can't be good. _

She glared at me.

"Is that so?"

_Why, oh why did I have to eavesdrop? This is what your parents mean when they say it will only get you into trouble. I was supposed to be watching the soap opera, not be a part of it. _

He looked at me with pleading eyes.

I don't know if it was the drinks, or his eyes, or this woman that was bringing shame to all of womankind. Maybe I just felt sorry for him. But I decided to help him out.

I placed my hand on his chest and slowly moved my way up to his neck. It didn't escape my notice how strong his body felt under my skin. No wonder she wanted him.

"What took you so long? You know I hate it when you make me wait."

I could practically see the relief wash over him.

He moved closer so our noses were almost touching.

"I'm sorry. I got a little _caught up_."

I giggled. _Whoa. I haven't made that sound since I was about twenty-five. _

"Well then, I guess you better make it up to me."

I grabbed his hand and stood.

"Come on, let's go dance."

We walked back out onto the dance floor completely ignoring his infuriated stalker.

Once we got far enough that she couldn't see us anymore, he stopped.

"Thank you so much for that back there. I don't know what I would have done if you had ratted me out."

I could see the sincerity and grateful look in his eyes.

"You're welcome. I don't know how much longer I could stand to watch you suffer."

He chuckled but I could tell I could tell he was a little embarrassed.

"But thank you really though."

"I know. And that is why you are making it up to me. Now shut up and dance."

He didn't have to be told twice.

I turned around and he grabbed my hips, moving me along with him to the beat.

I guess fate worked out in my favor. I came here to celebrate and what better way to do that than dance with the hottest guy I've seen in this place all night.

--

Two shots and three songs later, I was really starting to like this guy.

The only thing I really knew about him for sure was that his name was Edward, but I was too many drinks in to care.

He was just so fun and carefree that he made me want to be the same way. He had an almost boyish charm about him, an innocence, which I couldn't help but to be drawn to. Sometimes I thought he was going to burst into a rendition of 'Hakuna Matata'.

He looked to be in his early twenties. His face was well defined with no traces roundness in his cheeks and jaw line. There was also a bit of a shadow on his chin. College years?

The thought fleetingly crossed my mind to ask how old he was but I decided that all I was doing was having a little fun so did it really matter?

Maybe I really am a cougar.

Once we were back on the dance floor for the final time, the mood started to shift between Edward and I. The once playful and fun atmosphere was no longer there.

Edward had his hands back on my waist again, but this time they weren't so stationary.

His hands moved up and began to trace the fabric that ran along my almost bare back with his fingertips while we rocked to the music together.

It was strange because normally if I drank a lot I would start to feel a little numb, but with Edward the sensations were only heightened.

I felt the tingles run down my spine and until previously I had never known my back was so sensitive.

I wanted to make him feel what I was feeling. I traced the contours of his neck lightly with my nose while my hands made their way under his shirt. My fingers danced across the outline of his abs and then his hipbones.

I looked up into his face to see if he was reacting to me. His face was flushed but I didn't stop to notice it for long because I once again became caught in his stare. He had a bit of a wild look in his dark eyes and I could feel myself getting hotter, if that was possible.

Our faces were getting closer, or more specifically our lips, but we kept our eyes open and on each other. His hands which had moved back down again were bunching up the fabric at the back of my dress as he balled his hands up into tight fists.

I'm sure I was probably panting by now but his breathing wasn't doing much better either so I wasn't embarassed. Our lips finally touched will a slight pressure and I felt the energy course through me at the contact.

_I needed to get out of here._

I pulled away a fraction of an inch so our lips were still touching as I whispered to him.

"Let's go somewhere."

He simply nodded and I could see the anticipation spark in his eyes.

I grabbed his hand and started to lead him out.

_Shit!_ I rode with the girls here.

I slowed down and turned towards him.

"Do you have a car?"

"Yeah."

Oh thank goodness.

I didn't have time to find Alice and Rosalie and the club was too loud to talk so I texted them.

**Needed a little privacy. **

**Guess I'm finally getting that celebration.**

**B **

Alice and Rose were quick to text me back.

**You dirty girl. **

**I knew you had it in you. **

**Rosie **

**Go get 'em tiger.**

**Or should I say cougar? **

**Ali **

Once that was taken care of he led us out to the parking lot to a sleek looking silver Volvo.

"Love your car," I complimented him as he opened up his passenger side door.

"They always do," he said back, but the playful look in his eyes assured me he wasn't trying to be arrogant.

I hopped in and soon we were off back to my place once I told him my address.

I led him up to my apartment and as soon as I locked the door behind me, I was at his lips again. I couldn't stand to not be touching him anymore after the looks he kept giving me on our way up.

His lips were so soft and the kiss was filled with all of the excitement for what was to come.

I put my arms around his neck and began leading him to my bedroom. After we got through the threshold, he pressed me up against the wall right next to the doorjamb.

His tongue swooped out across my lips and I opened them to allow him to deepen the kiss like he was silently begging.

I hitched my leg up around his hip and his hand moved to squeeze me knee keeping me there.

His other hand then came up to slide my dress down slowly as he kissed my shoulders. He looked up, asking me with his eyes if he could pull it down further and I kissed his lips to signal him to keep going.

I was way past talking at his point.

I wasn't wearing a bra because of my dress, so when he lowered it down to my waist I was completely exposed.

He was looking at my chest with his eyes open in awe it seemed. Staring actually. I was tempted to ask him, "What, You've never seen a pair of tits before?" but I had a feeling it would be a mood killer so I kept my mouth shut.

His finally moved his hands up timidly, cautiously, and when they finally made contact with my skin I let out a little moan.

That was apparently enough to set him off. His eyes shot up to mine and with no warning, he grabbed me up practically raced over to the bed with me.

He took no time getting the rest of our clothes off like he had before. He did the job quickly, yet it still felt as if he was worshipping me in a way. As if I was some sort of goddess or something.

You would think he had never seen a woman naked before.

_Nah! A man this good looking? Impossible. _

He was finally positioned over me and ready when I noticed the bed was slightly quivering.

_That's weird. We haven't even started yet. _

Then I realized it was him that was causing it. He was trembling. I looked up into his eyes and saw that he looked…nervous?

I ran my hand down his back in a soothing motion and the shaking calmed.

"Are you okay?"

I was getting a little worried.

He let out a deep breath and it seemed that he had his bearings back again. He smiled at me.

"Yeah. I'm okay."

He leaned down and started kissing me. When he finally pushed into me, all the air left out of his lungs in a big whoosh. He groaned.

Whoa. He was really enjoying this. I was almost getting off just watching him.

At first I think he was a little too excited at actually being in me because he was a little off. Then once he finally got his tempo right, it was smooth sailing from there.

He was really gentle; more so than the guys I was usually with. I was a little worried at first I admit, but once we found our pace it turned out to be the best sex I've had in a long while.

When we were both finished, he rolled off of me and we tried to get our breathing right again.

I looked over at him and he was on his side, staring at me with an expression I couldn't quite read.

"Thank you," he whispered softly.

I didn't know what he was thanking me for, but he said it with so much emotion that I didn't want to say anything to ruin the moment.

I kissed his lips as a 'you're welcome' and then snuggled up in his arms as I drifted off to sleep.


	3. The Party's Over

**A/N: **The chapter is kind of short I know but I really wanted to get this scene out of my head and I know you guys were waiting for the morning after.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Twilight.

* * *

_**The Party's Over**_

I opened my eyes and all I could see was skin. My pupils were still trying to focus but I was pretty sure that it was a chest. A really nice chest.

Whoever it was, was lying on their back with one arm wrapped around my shoulders while my arm was draped over their torso.

I was going to look up and see who it was but I don't like surprises so I figured I should try to remember what happened last night before I braved a look at their face. At least that way I'll have some idea of what I'm in for.

I tried to rack my brain for information but that was when the pain started to kick in. So I guess that means I had a pretty wild night.

_Well obviously if you're waking up naked next to some nameless guy Bella,_ I berated myself.

So what happened?

Alice and Rose forced me out to celebrate...my birthday. My thirtieth birthday.

No wonder I drank so much.

Then we went to the club where I met…Edward.

Then it all came flooding back; the dancing, the tequila, saving Edward, the ride back to my apartment. And of course, the sex. The really great sex with Edward.

Well at least I went out with a bang.

I guess it's safe to look at him now that I'm a little better prepared.

I lifted my head and lead out a sigh of relief that he was still asleep. Although, I was a little disappointed. I was kind of hoping that he would be gone before I woke up.

I may have only done this once before, and I still can't remember his name, but I do remember the awkward morning after. Vividly.

The whole 'that was great and all but I hope we never see each other again' look typically exchanged isn't exactly a high point.

I decided to look over his face while I still had the chance.

He really was beautiful. He looked different while he was asleep. His face was peaceful and almost more youthful.

He must have somehow noticed that someone was watching him because his lids began to flutter and I was soon met with his emerald eyes looking back at me.

I was prepared to give him 'the look', but the way he was looking at me made forget all about wanting him to leave.

His eyes looked different in the morning sun from how I remembered them last night. The green seemed to sparkle in the rays filtering in through my bay window.

It was a comfort to know that even when I was drunk off my ass, I still had good taste.

The girls would be proud.

His lips lifted into a lazy crooked smile and I had no control over the grin mine made in response.

"Morning." His velvety voice was rough from sleep.

"Good morning."

We just laid there staring at each other. I was getting lost in his eyes for about the third time when there was a loud buzzing sound. My alarm clock.

Ugh! I swear that thing goes off at the most random times just to annoy me.

Now that I was no longer looking into his soothing eyes, my headache was back full force. I groaned.

I need Tylenol. Now.

I rolled over.

"I'm going to go grab some painkillers. Do you need anything?"

He sat up and rubbed his eyes.

"No, thank you. I didn't drink nearly as much as you did last night," he chuckled.

I must have made a great impression.

I reached over into my nightstand drawer and pulled out a turquoise colored silk robe that went to my knees. I sat up and pulled it on before I stood. I know he's already seen me naked, but still.

I walked into the bathroom and went straight to the medicine cabinet. I took out the Tylenol. Extra strength. I popped two in my mouth and used the tap in the sink to wash it down.

When I came back into my room, Edward was above the covers and now had on a pair of black boxers. I took a second to ogle at his body as he stretched out.

I was in the middle of picking up my dress and underwear that were strewn across the floor when I remembered something that had been on my mind.

I looked at him and he was already watching me.

"Hey, can I ask you something?"

"Anything." He sat up against the headboard.

"Last night after we…slept together," I felt my face heat up. "Well, you thanked me."

I all of a sudden felt really stupid for bringing it up.

"You probably don't remember-"

"No, I remember."

"Oh." I already brought it up so I might as well follow through. "It's not that I don't appreciate it, but I was just wondering why."

He looked down and I noticed that his cheeks were turning pink. His blushing only increased my curiosity tenfold.

"I guess I was just thankful that I got to spend my first time with such a beautiful woman."

_Huh? _

"Oh, I see. You've never had a one-night-stand before. Don't worry, it's not like I do this kind of thing a lot eith-"

"No Bella," he cut me off. "Well that too, but I meant that it was really my first time. _Ever."_

I stared at him with a blank look on my face. Things were just not clicking.

He could tell I obviously needed some help. I'm sure I looked like an idiot right about now but I was really confused.

He sighed. "Before last night I was a…virgin."

His face was really red now.

My incredulity soon turned to amusement. I started giggling. I knew it was rude but I couldn't help it.

"What?" He was starting to get defensive. I had obviously offended him.

I didn't want him to be mad at me so I covered my mouth with my hand to try to stop myself. I took a deep breath to calm down and started backtracking.

"I'm really sorry." I sat back down on the bed next to him, my cleaning completely forgotten.

"I'm uh…honored that you liked me enough after one night to choose to give me your virginity." That sounded so weird. I felt like I was the guy. "I just thought most guys lost their virginities before they graduated high school."

The embarrassment left his face after I said that.

"Well I guess I've got nothing to worry then. Sounds to me like I'm right on track."

_Huh? _

What was this guy on about?

"I don't understand."

I no longer found this situation funny. At all.

I braced myself. Something told me I wasn't going to like what I was about to hear.

He again looked at me like I was slow.

"I'm still in high school."

_WHAT?!_

_Oh my god!_

I don't know what emotion was splayed across my face just then, but it must have been bad because he then looked at me with concern.

"Are you okay?" He reached out to me but I jumped off the bed faster than a jack rabbit.

My palms went up over my eyes. I couldn't look at him.

I asked in a shaky voice, "H-how old are you?"

_Don't freak out now Bella. There's still a chance. Maybe he got held back a couple of years. He may be stupid, but at least he's not a minor. _

"I'm seventeen," he said proudly.

No such luck.

"You're _seventeen?_!" I screeched out.

This can't be happening. I was beginning to hyperventilate.

"Oh god! I have officially become Mrs. Robinson. I am so going to jail."

He looked at me confused.

"Who is Mrs. Robinson?"

"Oh no." I moaned.

He got off the bed and walked over to me. I leaped about ten feet in the air to get away from him. I feared touching him anymore at this point would only lengthen my sentence.

"Look, don't freak out okay. You are not going to jail."

"Says the victim."

"I am not a victim. I wanted this just as much as you did."

"See. You're already starting to show signs of Stockholm syndrome."

He rolled his eyes.

"Besides, you can't be that much older than me anyway. What are you? Twenty-four?"

I wish.

If it were any other situation, I would have taken the time to enjoy his compliment.

"I am THIRTY years old, kid."

"Oh. _Really_?" He was genuinely surprised.

I started thinking about ways of how I was going to get out of this. I needed to get rid of all the evidence. Forget about picking up my panties, I needed to burn them. The sheets too.

He interrupted my mental rant.

"Well it doesn't matter how old you are. I wouldn't have changed anything. I still think you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen." Oh how romantic.

_How did I get myself into this mess? Why God? WHY? _

I was starting to get hysterical. I didn't know whether I wanted to barf or cry. Both sounded very possible at the moment.

My stomach turned.

We have a winner.

I ran past him back into the bathroom. I immediately started heaving.

I felt him come behind me and then pull my hair back on top of my head.

I guess I didn't need the Grey Goose.

I ended up with my head in the toilet all on my own.

**A/N: **For anyone who doesn't know, Mrs. Robinson is from the classic_ The Graduate_ about a young man who enters into an affair with an older woman.


End file.
